When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit. When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram. However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim. She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet. Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop? A: To let the lumber jack off.
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
When you come to a road that says "ONE WAY", that mean Chuck Norris is the other way.