Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because pets can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Because the blondes couldn't either.
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
Doctor, my husband is 300% impotent. "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."
Q: What do you call a white person engulfed in flames? A: A firecracker.