Best jokes ever

A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
Vote: has 54.50 % from 166 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Vote: has 54.49 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
Vote: has 54.46 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
Vote: has 54.46 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom. Man says, "WTF?" Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
Vote: has 54.46 % from 187 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, relationship
Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
Vote: has 54.45 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, men, women
Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan? A: Antique air conditioner.
Vote: has 54.45 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring
Vote: has 54.44 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, love, marriage, wedding
Q: Whats the definition of vagina? A: The box a penis comes in.
Vote: has 54.44 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road. He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride. A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?" The black pastor snaps back. The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision. When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself. He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
Vote: has 54.41 % from 142 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, church, death, god, heaven