Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians? A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!
A large cruise ship strikes an iceberg and slowly begins to sink. The captain declares he is going to need to remove some weight from the boat or it will surely sink. He says to be fair, and not discriminate, we will have to call out people in alphabetical order to jump off the ship. Everyone agrees this is the only fair way. The captain then declares "All African Americans, jump overboard!" A niglet tells his dad"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet" The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all black people to jump overboard." The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet" The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we still haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all colored people to jump overboard." The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "I said shut up son, we be niggers today!"
Every mobile phone user has complained like this: Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, because now I have to change the whole text.