Something Special For His Birthday
It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards.
So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday.
They bought him a hooker.
The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door.
When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!"
Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?"
"I'm yours for super sex," she answers.
So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
Your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
There was a fire at the local tax office but the fire brigade managed to put it out before any serious good was done.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Yo momma so poor...
She hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
Q: Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
A: Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
Your mother is so fat, that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!
Yo mama so fat her boobs squirts out milk.
Your nails are so long when you come around the corner the police arrested you for dangerous weapons.