Go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Yours sincerely,
The CAT
They say, "You can't fight city hall", but Chuck Norris can.
It's not much of a fight....
Vote:
If you think your life is bad, how would you like to be an egg?
You get laid once in life, you only get eatten once in life, It takes 4 min to get hard, but only 2 min. to get soft, you share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
Pass this to someone who needs a good lay, sorry I mean day.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says.
"What? There's no such thing," she replied.
"No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'"
A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom.
A few minutes later she comes out.
"Wow, that was great!" She says.
She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store.
On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo.
Well she's really enjoying herself.
The car is swerving and she rolls through a red.
She ends up getting pulled over by a cop.
After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story.
She explains about the magic dildo and the shop.
The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."
Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
Chuck Norris made this sentence finish.
Vote:
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Teller: "Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"
Blonde: "I don't know. Why?"
Teller: "It was easier to spell."
Blonde: "Easier than what?"