Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Yo mama so fat even Donald Trump can't make as big of a wall as her.
Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick with his arms.
Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated? A: "Oh balls."
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks.