"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."
Chuck Norris has a lot to contribute to the Third World... War.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?" "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day? simple it is just a formality like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!!
My girlfriend likes to pretend to be a 14 year old when we have sex. I don't get it she will be 14 in a few years anyway.