Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
Chuck Norris once broke the law... with his fists.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal? A head hunter!
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
There is only one award higher than the medal of Honor: The Chuck Norris Medal of Roundhouse. No mortal man has ever earned it.