Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands." The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig? Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise: "I thought your husband was out of town." "So did I..."
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website? Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
How are crayons like people? No one likes the white ones.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country. The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi. There is a lot of sushi in my country. Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom. There is too much love in my country. Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco. There is too much taco in my country. Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says: There are too much Mexicans in my country.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!