On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Yo Mama is so fat and ugly she and Godzilla are twins.
What is difference between woman and condom? None :-) Both of them spend more time in your wallet...than on your d*ck !
Q: What's the difference between racist jokes and kids with cancer? A: They never get old.
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
When Chuck Norris steps on a crack he breaks another persons mother's back.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Chuck Norris can eat just one pringle.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.