Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?" Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
What do you call an affectionate rabbit? A tender, loving hare.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay.
How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.