What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message ! 
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
A: "Olive or twist?"
A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
"The cop!"
Vote:
Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can dodge rain.
Vote:
Do you know how Hitler tied his tennis shoes?
In little Natzie's.
Vote:
Snow.
One of the rare times the phrase "8 - 12 inches" is associated with something white.
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
You come in one and you go in the other!