For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”.
Here’s an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Fan: "I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What's it for?¨"
Athlete: "It's for telling knock knock jokes."
Fan: "And what's that gold medal for?"
Athlete: "For stopping."
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Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads!
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Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
What do nostalgic gynaecologists do?
Look up old friends.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?
Europe to Iceland:
Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it?
Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH!
Iceland: Woooops...
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Bill Gates died in a car accident.
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.”
So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.
“Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment,
“This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver”.
Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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Chuck Norris can kiss his own elbow, both at the same time.
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