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I’ve been very depressed lately. My wife’s threatened to leave me. But even that hasn’t cheered me up.
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More jokes about: alcohol
There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers. After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was. Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, "wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet. This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?" and the bartender said to another person that was there, "hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!"
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More jokes about: alcohol
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
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More jokes about: blonde, health
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon. Not bad.
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Man, to friend, ‘My wife makes terrible demands for money. Two weeks ago she asked for £50. Last week she wanted £100, and yesterday it was £150.’ Friend, ‘What does she do with it all?’ Man, ‘I don’t know. I never give her any.’
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Chuck Norris made a mistake once and it corrected itself.
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Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? Crib death.
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More jokes about: black humor
Why did Rosa Parks die? She refused to go to the back of the ambulance!
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When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
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More jokes about: alcohol, kids