Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
You mama so bugle one detection went the other derection.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial. When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
Why did the blonde have empty beer cans in her fridge? For people who don't drink.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.