Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt.
The bad brother died.
The good brother missed him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively: "How do you give shoulders?"
One day, a team of blondes and a brunette team took part in a fishing contest.
They went to the Frozen Lake and installed from a two different perspectives.
The brunettes were making fish one after another, but the blondes were unlucky.
The blonde team gathered around in a circle and start a discussion about the problem and wanted to find an answer for it.
After two hours they decided to send someone to spy on the other team, so they can find out what the brunettes were doing differently.
The blonde spy goes and hides behind the bushes.
After a while, breathless arrives at her team and screams with joy: "I’ve found it! I’ve found it! We gonna rip them off!"
All the blondes, full of wonder asked her: "Spit it out, what do the brunettes do differently?"
"Whole! They’re opening a whole in the ice!"
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned.
"Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They've both been laid all over America.
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right boob is hanging out."
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it "IS" hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Well, your boob is hanging out."
She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.”
“No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.
“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”