Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort. Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.
Chuck Norris doesn't break bricks. They fold under pressure.