Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers. The food cooks itself out of pressure.
Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
Chuck Norris flew boats in the Vietnam War.
Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote. He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
Everybody knows that Chuck Norris can't shoot a bow even though he got 5 bullseyes in a row. The only reason he got the bullseye is that his arrows know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris