Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
A company once tried to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, but they soon realized it wouldn't work because Chuck Norris won't take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Wherever you go, Chuck Norris will already be there.
If Chuck Norris killed Kenny, he'd stay dead.
Chuck Norris stared in to the mirror and said, "There can only be one Chuck Norris." Then his reflection cried and walked away.
The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.