Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
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Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs.
They come on when HE wants them to.
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Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch.
He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.
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If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
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Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris can flush a port-a-potty.
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Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.
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If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results.
It just doesn't happen.
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Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand?
A: Thunder.
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