Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
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If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results.
It just doesn't happen.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday.
Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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The entire movie of "Anaconda" was recorded inside Chuck Norris' pants.
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The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
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