For Chuch Norris, ANYTHING counts in horseshoes and handgrenades.
"Between a rock and a hard place" refers to Chuck Norris' fists.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving at 10,000 feet he jumps into the plane... from the ground.
Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
Chuck Norris understood the ending of Lost.
Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris? A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.