Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
Chuck Norris bowled a perfect game... While using a golf ball.
Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Chuck Norris just picks the buildings up and moves them out of his way.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.
Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.