Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.
The sun is the burning remains of the last planet Chuck Norris pillaged.
The Sun is Chuck Norris' camp fire.
CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.
Chuck Norris never bathes. Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.