Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
When raining, Chuck Norris doesn't need an umbrella , he can dodge the rain drops.
Chuck Norris fires Donald Trump.
Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
The sun is the burning remains of the last planet Chuck Norris pillaged.
The Sun is Chuck Norris' camp fire.
CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.
Chuck Norris never bathes. Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.