The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
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Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name. It's called the internet.
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Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
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Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
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Chuck Norris got swept over Niagara Falls... He liked it so much, he swam back up and did it again.
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Chuck Norris is the four horsemen of the apocalypse!
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Chuck Norris can only text if the phone's touch screen is bullet proof.
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Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
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