Joke #10434

When Chuck Norris laughs he busts your gut.

One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Chuck Norris can paint himself into a corner and still get the job done.

Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.

If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win. But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris.

Bill Gates lives in fear Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris has one pet. It's name is fear.

Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.