In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Chuck Norris does not need a remote for his tv for all he needs to do is just stare until it turns on.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
Chuck Norris' tears would save lives, if he'd cry.