In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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Chuck Norris does not skip stones... he skips sheets of drywall.
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There are no such things as Chuck Norris haters...just people with short lives.
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Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver.
When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook...
No one's his friend.
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China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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Barack Obama was elected president of the USA because Chuck Norris said so.
He remind him of Trivette...
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Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag.
Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.
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What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Chuck Norris came first.
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Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
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