In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris can flush a port-a-potty.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a security system. Chuck Norris is a security system.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris once ate a bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.