When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
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Chuck Norris can suck a black hole.
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When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
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Chuck Norris uses the lethal injection to have a 5min nap.
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Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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There is no such thing as an endangered species, they are Chuck's likes and dislikes.
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Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.
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Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris will never submit.
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hen Chuck Norris goes fishing he stands at the edge of the water and says: "Don`t make me go in there to get you".
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