Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...
Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car... The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.
The true reason why the Nazi's lost the war was because they stopped trying after they found out Chuck Norris had a summer home in Russia.
Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
Chuck Norris won a soccer game. He was the referee.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
If Chuck Norris were an Adam's Apple, he'd be in your throat right now.
Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.