Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win. But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris.
During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3." All was good.
Chuck Norris beat a brick wall at tennis.
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
Santa delivers to Chuck Norris' house first.
Chuck Norris knows what pi tastes like.