What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water!
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’