A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter.
Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days."
Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What does a man call true love?
An erection.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"