What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
There was an ad in the newspaper: An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor. The photo of the tractor is required.
What does a man call true love? An erection.
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?