‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.
When two men have sex what position are they going to be in? But what about when two dogs have sex? That means that the two men are having sex doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sex? That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sex doggy style.
Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands. ‘Tell me,’ says one. ‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’ ‘No,’ says the other. ‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
I haven’t been the same since my testicles dropped. Mind you, I was hanging from a tree by them at the time.
I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
Q:What did the black girl say while having sex? A:Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.