Q: How does David Beckham change a light bulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.
The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
He was a colourful boxer.
Black and blue all over.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?
A: No Cubs
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."