What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low.
The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice.
He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
"No" says the neighbor.
"The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"
The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.
I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.
Swimming
Why are old socks good for golf?
Because they have eighteen holes.