Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her shadow quit.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
There's this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbor."
Chuck Norris can travel back in time into the future.