Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
Wife: Well, how about the kitchen? 
God called a meeting of George Bush, Tony Blair and Bill Gates.
‘I’ve given you all the tools you needed to make a better world,’ says God.
‘But you’ve failed and I’m ending the world in two weeks.’
Bush goes on TV and says, ‘I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that the world will end in two weeks.’
Tony Blair says, ‘I have bad news and really bad news.
The bad news is that God is really annoyed.
The really bad news is he’s going to destroy us.’
Bill Gates calls his workers together and says, ‘I have good news and great news.
The good news is that God thinks I’m one of the three most powerful people in the world.
The great news is that we don’t have to fix the bugs in the new Windows package.’
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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Yo momma’s so ugly, she practises birth control by leaving the lights on.
Chuck Norris went to the sun and spent two nights.
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Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
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When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
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Chuch Norris filmed the making of the first camera.
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