Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
Wife: Well, how about the kitchen? 
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Vote:
Yo momma’s so ugly, she practises birth control by leaving the lights on.
Chuck Norris went to the sun and spent two nights.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
Vote:
When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating.
He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
Vote:
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Vote:
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”