My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
Q: How do you circumcise a whale?
A: With four skin-divers.
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity.
Twice.
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How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick someone in the back of the face.
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Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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