Best jokes ever

‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness. "Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander. "I certainly did." "And?" "And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: cop
What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party? They're both out looking for a tight seal.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: age, animal
Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. ‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk. When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma." The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: money
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