What do computers do when they get hungry? They eat chips!
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought Doris Day was a national holiday?
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.