Total Recall was based off of an average day in the life of Chuck Norris.
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Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!
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Chuck Norris bought out the Walt Disney Company with a car-wash token.
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Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Chuck norris can fix a plumbers crack.
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Chuck Norris' pager is still cool.
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Chuck Norris told Wiz Khalifa what it is.
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How is a rabbit like a plum?
They re both purple, except for the rabbit.
When Chuck Norris hired his bodyguards, he figured he was paying to save someone.
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