One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole? You swerve to miss a pothole!
What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money.
What do computers do when they get hungry? They eat chips!
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.