If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole? You swerve to miss a pothole!
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
I'm not saying yo mama is a whore but her favorite shade of lipstick is penis.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.