What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
Chuck Norris isn't on Earth, the Earth is on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can blow smoke rings, but also smoke squares. Actually he can also blow your face.
Chuck Norris doesn't run out of bullets, bullets run out of Norrises.
Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died? Everyone at Apple are crying their's out!
What do you call a black guy in a tree with a briefcase? Branch manager.
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
What is the difference between a blonde and a pothole? You swerve to miss a pothole!
What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money.