How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear.
We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them:
If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.
Two alpinists on a mountain:
One of them falls in a crack, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one:
Are you hurt?
Noooooo! He hears.
How come?
I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer then looks into his pocket.
He does this over and over again.
Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a beer and after drinking it he looks into his pocket.
The man responded, " I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."