Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool;
Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.
‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.
‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
Chuck Norris is like an F5 Tornado...
When you see him coming you better run for cover and pray to God he doesn't find you...
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Knock knockrn
Who's there?
Woman who?
Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Man.
Man who?
Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.
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What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the loo.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!"
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends.
"I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
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