What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
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The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the loo.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!"
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends.
"I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
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What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?"
"Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
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Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.