If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that TV please?"
The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes."
So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that TV please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are."
So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery.
She then comes back and says
"Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"
Vote:
A man enters the bar and orders a double martini.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”
The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!
Why did the blonde snort sweet n' low?
She thought it was diet coke.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool
After 8 rounds the boxer comes back in his corner, extremely grinded.
The couch says to him:
You should better take a decision!
You want the champion title or the Nobel for peace...
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid?
Only one from 30.000 gets a man.