How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him. 
Vote:
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: How does David Beckham change a light bulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
Jesus saves.
But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?
My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes?
Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.