So this retarded blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay.
The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills.
So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well.
In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills."
So we told the Warden and he laughed he said: "you know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!"
The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!"
The blind couple said, "what happens to the fishes?"
The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
Jesus saves.
But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?
My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes?
Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square.
Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column.
‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts.
‘This is the shallow end!’
An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium.
When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
Two drunks are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the kerb, licking its privates.
They watch for a while before one of them says, ‘I sure wish I could do that!’
The other looks at him and says, ‘Wouldn’t you like to make friends with him first?’‘
What difference is between a man and Paris?
The Paris remains Paris!