Best jokes ever

In some countries, criminals have the option of either going to jail or spending a day living with Chuck Norris. No one has ever chosen Chuck Norris

A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said, "Your fly is undone." The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again, "Your pants have a slit back." The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand. "Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease. The man bent down to tie his shoelaces. "Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled. The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said, "Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."

A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor. He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house. When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor. "Doctor – Doctor!" "What is you gypsy eh?" The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!" "No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again. "Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!" "What are you saying you stupid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage. Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony. "Doctor – Doctor!" "What do you want again eh?" doctor says "I am “better” than you!" "Why is that eh?" doctor says. "We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says. "I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says. "Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"

Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.

Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...

What do you call a bunch of mexicans in a barn? Modern farm equiptment.