Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you."
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the beer starts to run.
Vote:
You mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits next to everyone!
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Vote:
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
When a white person delivers an asian baby.
White person: "Congratulations he looks like your husband... mom... cousin... uncle... neighbor..."
Vote:
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"