A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Yo momma's so fat...
They mistake her for a country.
Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?"
Student: " Ten Q"Teacher: "You're Welcome."
Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?
A: She changed her name to JKM345.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Is it worth any bonus marks?"
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"
Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.” the man said.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife.” said the man.
Yo momma is so fat that she uses the Great Wall of China wall as a belt.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smellicopter.