Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.
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Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.
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I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’.
I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."
The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on.
"If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."
The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"
The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works.
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex?
A: Let her catch you doing it.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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I don't always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure Facebook knows about it.