Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick with his arms.
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive.
The zombies do.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.
And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10".
The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:
“Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.”
“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Yo momma so fat that when she went to her prom she literally raised the roof.