Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!
Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn't make it.
Chuck Norris can make sounds come out on his Air Guitar.
Chuck Norris CAN get blood from a stone.
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Yo' Mama is so old, she calls her waterbed the Dead Sea.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.
Chuck Norris can gargle with honey.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she has to sneak up to water fountains to get a drink.