A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
Vote:
An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home.
when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face.
so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Put a scratch and sniff on the showerhead.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
Yo momma's so ugly, Freddie Kruger took a paternity test to prove he wasn't her son.
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
A: "Olive or twist?"