Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
Vote:
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
'What are you doing dear?'
'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
'How do you know what sex they were?'
The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says:
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home.
when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face.
so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Put a scratch and sniff on the showerhead.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
Yo momma's so ugly, Freddie Kruger took a paternity test to prove he wasn't her son.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”