Best jokes ever

This french guy he wants to learn English. So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off". Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra". Then he goes to the hospital "baby" So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, prison
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?" "I would have gotten out today."
Vote: has 53.16 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Q: What happens when you put your hand in a bag of jelly beans? A: The black one takes your watch.
Vote: has 53.15 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Vote: has 53.15 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
Vote: has 53.13 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Vote: has 53.07 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, marriage, mean, party
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
Vote: has 53.05 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, friendship, marriage, wife