What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message ! 
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial.
When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest.
Chuck Norris won by 5.
Vote:
My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.
Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The Food!
Q: Why did the blonde have trouble in the ladies' room?
A: She is not used to pulling her own pants down.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"