Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn't... he jumped.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
How to catch a polar bear:
Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
Cut a large hole in the ice.
Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
Hide behind a nearby rock.
When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!