The best animal jokes

Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker? A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.
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What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers? Tyrannosaurus Hex.
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Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
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How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
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Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
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What to polar bears eat for lunch? (Ice berg-ers!)
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‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’ Sue Murphy
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My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
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Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
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