What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...
How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers? From professional courtesy.
Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker? A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers? Tyrannosaurus Hex.
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What to polar bears eat for lunch? (Ice berg-ers!)