Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris? His foot.
Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.
Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.