Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.
When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up.
Chuck Norris watches Saturday Night Live on Friday.
Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Chuck Norris can Moonwalk on the Sun.
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
There is no backspace button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.