Chuck Norris can win a Grammy from coughing.
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick.
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods. He is now known as Shrek.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.