Even after muting "Walker, Texas Ranger", you can still hear Chuck Norris's victims screaming after getting roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.