Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
What happens when Chuck Norris orders a beer and gets a beer? He roundhouses the waitress, Chuck Norris should not have to ask.
Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.
A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him. That man was Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris. The whole universe goes to hell.
The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.